For the Love of Cashew Milk and the Nervous, Gulpy, Awkward Face

I sort of feel like a broken record. Like once a month I spit out all that ails me in a therapy session. But, I swear I'm not making it up. All that emotional upheaval that make January and February hell? Yeah, it was replaced by life and money hell :p It could be worse, but a trip to the ER for my husband, job changes, tax season, blah blah blah. The past couple weeks have been downright exhausting. Everything sort of happened at once. I like to think things are settling down, but I suppose until I get my final papers written for school I can't quite get comfy.

On a much lighter note, I just had some cashew milk ice cream and thought I died and went to heaven. As a milk-a-phobe (I'm not really afraid of milk, it just makes me feel like miserable), I have known better than to have ice cream for several months. It's really not worth it, and though I have accepted living without, every once in awhile I think about it and get tempted to pick up some non-dairy ice cream. Frankly, though, while usually I'm really not picky, I'm just not a fan of coconut or almond milk ice cream enough to pay five bucks a pint and I don't do soy. So I've just gussied up and tried not to complain about the situation. That being said, when I'm hankering for a cold treat, I'll sometimes mosey on by the freezer section of the store to see if a sorbet looks good. This time around I saw the cashew milk ice cream. It's new, at least in my area and was... well sort of on sale... meaning that if that price is on sale I will never pay full price :p You see I'd learned that the right brand of cashew milk actually has the closest flavor to milk without being sickly sweet or tasting like, well.. an almond. I decided to give it a try and was so excited about the result that I texted my husband with the new - and my boss with the news, because he's a non-dairy-er too.

What does this have to do with writing? Absolutely nothing. I'm just that happy about my discovery. As for writing - I've gotten into the joy of revisions and have been really happy with all the changes so far. I even get excited about the progress! I see it written out like so:


Words Revised: 35,570
Words Yet to be Revised:86,686

And I think, "Yay! Progress!"

Then I think of the scenes coming up and the work to do, I get that nervous, gulpy, awkward face that they've mastered in cartoons, and wonder, "Will I keep making progress?"

It's a silly question, because - Heck yeah I'm gonna keep rolling on! None the less, it's a new challenge to be in this place. I feel excited and impatient, but mostly nervous at the prospect that I may just finish a book. A book that I feel is worth something. One that is worthy of sending out to be read. And hope seems so dangerous. But, dangerous or not, no one ever got anywhere with a book by staying safe and not risking it out in the real world.

So I send out a "Hurrah!" to all of you brave writers out there who are or have braved the danger and shared your work with the world!

How about you? Do you have that "knowing nod" to share about getting into a good revision of your book and seeing what's coming up with the realization of how hard it's going to be? What motivated you? What was the best tactic you took to revising?

Life, Revisions & Agent Blogs (IWSG)

Hiya folks! Happy March to y'all. Last month I spoke about how miserable things were. Friends - they stayed so freaking miserable. I say "Happy March" because in com
parison February it would have to be happy or it would have broken the internet. Or something... apparently that happens a lot. (The dress is white and gold O.O and so was the llama! o.O O.o).

I didn't really get anything resolved until last week. It took a lot of prayer, and getting over some SERIOUS nerves to handle the situation. Except that it was the reasonable response for any adult - I sort of feel like I should get a medal :p Anyway, now that I'm no longer vacillating between the pits of despair and the rage of the machine - now I reside in a fluffy cloud of meditation and reason - I'm peeking into my writing.

I sort of got royally stuck on a scene. I'm not sure what to do with it. I almost want to get rid of it - except it's not really one of those scenes you can get rid of. :/ But when I find myself in places like this I always wonder - if I don't want to write it (or in this case revise it).... then wouldn't that mean that no one would want to read it? I think that once I start working on it again, I will get back in the swing and get interested - but what I'm hoping for is some advice. I asked last month and got some good responses - but I want more! More! More I say!

What are your best revision tips? What are your favorite things about revision? What helps you revise to a pretty polish? 

While, I haven't been working on my book a ton this month - I have still kept in on the writing world. My favorite way to do that is to read agent blogs. Right now there are a few that I follow - but my absolute favorite is Janet Reid. I like her voice and her personality. I also love her commenters. There's gold in them their thoughts. If you aren't already reading some agent blogs I recommend you take advantage :)

May your March month be a happy month!

Because, Life (IWSG)

I've been reading a couple y'all's recent posts and it seems I am not alone in January kind of... well suckin' awful. I don't know that I would say the month in its entirety held a complete enmity on existence, but it sure ended like it wanted to suffocate as much as it could manage.

I felt like crap last week. Pissed. Apathetic. Hurt. Numb. An awful cyclical LAME. I spat more expletives either in my head or out loud than I have probably in the past year as a whole. I don't swear as a general rule, so for me, it was a sign that I really didn't give a... poop... about anything.

I seem to be recovering, though, there are some things in life that I really wish would heal. Wombat and I dedicated the month of February to Prayer. Because... we really aren't good for anything else. Something's gotta give and when something's gotta give, you got it give it Up.

What does this have to do with writing? Dumb question, I know. How many of you can actually get good work and writing done on a project when you feel like you're in a mire? (Please, have mercy and don't post that it's during that time that you get all your most brilliant revisions and publications done, or I might cry)

I've done little if nothing. I couldn't remember why it mattered, or why I ever cared. It was sad face. I'm coming out the other end as of this Monday. Heck, I even had one of my patients at work offer a kind gesture that made me feel a little warm and fuzzy. She's one of those intuitive sort -you can't escape them seeing through the smiling lie on your face, no matter how practiced you've become (or not, My job in a nutshell? Maybe.)

So here I am tentatively poking my head out, wondering if it's safe to touch the manuscript again. It hurts to look at it and feel nothing. I have some hope.

On another note, as I have just delved into revisions for my book, I thought that I would take the advice of... well... some brilliant blogger that I read... can't recall who... it's all a blur... who mentioned writing a query letter even before writing a book - just to prove that your book is query-able. My book is definitely already written, but I figure as I am revising, it's in a "tear me up, glue me back together" stage that would allow major changes - should I find my story lacking important query-able elements. I don't know if that paragraph made any sense, but I have to hit the loo, so I'm not going to look back and fix it if it's gibberish because I need to go.

Well... I'm back... You'd think I had kids with how unabashed I am with sharing the schedule of my potty breaks. Anyway...

Thanks for listening, IWSGers. I will leave you with one more face palm. My last post was a lament on how my bitty super-beginner writing class didn't help much with my paper like I was hoping. This week - two papers that I passed around returned with incorrect grammar corrections. I think I incredulously ranted on my way home, but I suppose that's not fair of me. I know they were trying to help. Needless to say, I've officially adjusted my expectations, and will work on appreciating their efforts and willingness... but otherwise maybe just submit my paper to the schools online writing center for a tutor to look over.

She May Be Zombie (IWSG)

She Lives!

You may think I am speaking of myself, and while coincidentally that's true, I actually speak - no rejoice in the rising from the dead of my dear friend and favorite writer - the Inkscratcher, herself! - R.M. Whitaker. This dear woman is a dear friend with a talent that I can only dream of achieving. To give you an idea of how rad this woman is - her hobby writing in high school had other writers asking if they could buy her stories so they could publish them. Pretty rockin' awesome.

Well, my dear friend has been on something of a writing hiatus. She's been off gallivanting the world, doing good, living life and rockin' it all. While I've been impressed, proud and happy for her, I could practically giggle with delight  to know that she is warming up her fingers again, and spreading her delicious talent in print form. I absolutely recommend you go and meet her. Click and say hi!

Needless to say, her resurrection post inspired me to climb out of my earthy tomb as well. You see - I could use some help and there is no better place to go than my dear IWSG. You see, divine inspiration - that only sometimes gentle but always correct "nudger" - came to me a couple months ago, smiled kindly and pushed me with not a bit of sheepishness right out of one project and back into another.

Last I spoke here on the interwebs I was working on writing Book 2 (working title Disbanded). I worked on it through fall continuously, if slowly. My determination was firm and I happily finished POV one, and had moved onto POV 2. I got miserably stuck, but Determination kept me hitting my head against the book cover trying to knock works out of my noggin and onto the page. Then came that smiling "nudger". 

I can't deny that it was something a relief, when I got that distinct impression sending me back to start edits of Book 1 (working title Unbanded). However, I didn't realize just what I was getting myself into. I'm being humbled and discovering that revision is hard. I feel like I'm working at a snails pace. I'd naturally hoped that much of my book (because of my obviously and overwhelming talent *now hangs head in shame*) would need good edits, but not necessarily HUMONGOUS re-writes. I admit this with gratitude that I can hide on this side of my screen from the amused "I could have told you that" expressions that you experienced folks have every write to smile my way. 

Because here I am, barely into my book and re-writing most of what is there. It's both exciting and exhausting. I'm making it better than I could have hoped in some cases, but also suffering through the re-positioning and re-filming with my author-cam.

So, while in my meeker state I want to know what you know - or rather:

What do you wish you'd known before your first major revision? What did you not do the first time you revised that you have never forgotten to do again because it's that freakin' amazing? What did you do that first time that you will never do again? Send me your expertise!

Stay tuned!......? (IWSG)

I was about to write "about a month ago" - but the truth is - I have lost most of my sense of time the past... however long.... Let's try again.

It has been my intention to start blogging more. I wrote a post once about why I struggled with this - the gist of which was that I didn't know what to write about. Then one day I sat pondering about what kind of posts I like to read and which one's I don't. For instance - everyone has been engaging in the A-Z Challenge, and I found that my absolute favorite blogger this time around was Lexa Cain. She posted about haunted places. It was awesome. I was totally engaged and excited to read about the different places. It had to have been quite and endeavor and I was impressed. However, even as I thought that I might have found something I'd enjoy writing about - basically, micro-history posts - I realized that in my current place in life, doing such posts frequently would become overwhelming for me. It would have to be a once a month thing. So I tucked that idea into my bag and kept thinking.

I recently stumbled upon a blog (briefly, and I can't remember the name of it) on which the writer was recording her journey out of debt. It was intriguing, and personal and I liked that. However, it felt a little too personal for my telling and I couldn't think of anything in my life that I wanted to share with the world that way. It got me thinking however, of the idea of learning from others experience. I have recently had a strong desire to change my schedule and start waking up early. I looked at the hours I spend doing things and decided that if I became that morning person that I longed to be, that I would be able to accomplish just a bit more each day. I decided I would begin a Morning Experiment. It was something that I could tie into writing and was feeling passionate about - so I tucked that idea into my bag and kept thinking.

You see, I felt that I could be pretty impersonal on the web. I have a lot of good reasons why... I mean... the only reason you really need is: It's the internet. But, my absolute favorite blog to read - which I never miss a post on - is that of Patrick Rothfuss. He has such a captivating voice, I like reading it even when the content is only so-so. He manages to share just enough of himself, without exposing his life to everyone. This finally convinced me that I need to talk about SOMETHING I was passionate about. I am passionate about writing - but, I don't have much to say about it. I'm passionate about my job, but that's not for me to share (as per HIPAA :). I'm passionate about the Wombat, but no one wants to read post after mushy post about someone else's lovey-kins. So I thought, and thought, and wondered if maybe I had a NeuroEmotional Complex (NEC) about it. Then I smiled, because that was something else that I was passionate about. You see, I'm not a practitioner - and I am not trained in the NeuroEmotional Technique, but after watching it done and having it done on me for years, I have learned how to do it, and the Wombat and I will use the technique on each other when we feel the need. Some of the biggest writing hurtles I have ever had were overcome because of this technique. So I decided that the personal piece would be an occasional Wed-NET-day post, in which I would share my experience clearing a trapped emotion and what happened because of it. 

So I began tucking this idea into the bag, but now the bag was kind of full. I looked in there at the shiny new ideas in there and I began to feel insecure. Who was I kidding? I can barely manage one post a month with IWSG!... but... I suppose I could do some NET about blogging... it may prove helpful and then I could write about that to get started... and if I got up earlier, I may have those few extra minutes to throw a post together... and daggnabbit I need to find sometime to do some research and enjoy learning, lest I become a complete workaholic. Maybe I can do it after.... so..... stay tuned.....?

Monthly Visit (IWSG)

Well, friends, I am sad to say that not much has changed since last month. Work is still kicking my butt and writing has been taking a back seat. It's always embarrassing when the first Wednesday of the month rolls around and I realize that I haven't managed to pump out a single blog and my book progress is atrocious. That being said, work really has been kicking my butt. Oh yeah, and the Wombat has been suffering through a mid-life crisis at the unripe age of 25, and frankly, it's taken a toll. That being said, I am hopeful to say that we are on the upswing, and as is my nature - when I am on the upswing I like to up the ante. Anti? Antee? Ante... We'll go with that.

Goal time. We will be having the good fortune of being able to fly back home to our Portland roots in the upcoming, and will be seeing some of our awesome fam. This got me thinking, "Wow, when people ask me how my book is going (cause at least one will probably ask), what do I want to be able to say?" That got me ruminating. I thought, "Maybe if I can say I am halfway, I'll feel like I am sharing good news!" So I made that goal. However, I then realized that I was pretty close to that point and if that's all I required of myself between now and then, I would be making it nigh-on impossible to achieve my extraordinarily vague long term goal.

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So I coaxed out the Wombat and we got to work - which typically means he listens like the Saint that he is while I ramble off ideas and reasons and ho and hum for exorbitant lengths of time. Eventually, Saint Wombat and I emerged triumphant and walking right alongside us was Mr. Insecurity.

You see, I am pretty careful to only make goals that are achievable. After all goal's need to be "S.M.A.R.T." - and A stands for Achievable... but... I am at that uncomfortable desperate point in which my greatest motivation to complete my book in the allotted time is that I can't bare for it to take longer than that!

So me and Mr. Insecurity have become unfriendly friends of late. However. If I believe that sometimes, under extreme circumstances you need to fire a friend. Don't give him any advance warning- but I think Mr. Insecurity is gonna be next on the incendiary list.

So here's to new goals! Here's to June 13th! June 13th - the day in which I celebrate the birth of my very best friend Saint Wombat and - if when everything goes right - the day that he celebrates finally getting to finish reading the story that he's had to wait years to get to.

What the hay!?!?! (IWSG)

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Holy cow pie. It's already been a month? I wish that I could say that I had something unique to share - but I am in the exact same spot as I was last month. I have been so busy at my job that I have been struggling to get the writing in. I have fudged in a line or two between patients - oh!oh! and the Wombat and I went to dinner and worked on clarifying one of my characters! That was fantastic! But wow... I feel like I'm sleeping, working, working, trying to keep my home in slight form of order, working... Yeah... You'd think I was making bank with all this working, but... between the car starting to cause some problems and taxes impending... I can't even nix the time prepping food by subsisting on restaurant pho instead. I have a slight glimmer of hope that work is about to level out a little... but I think I still have to figure out a better system - or finally ask if our little clinic is ready to give it's most valuable (meaning 'only') employee a raise :p 

Well- I have many reasons to motivate me - but even if it just means I will have a new topic for next months IWSG - I hereby make a goal to change SOMETHING for the better.

Happy writing out there! 

Sneaky Post (IWSG)

I'm being sneaky and writing up a quick post from work about work for IWSG! We had a couple slow months there during the holidays - but here at The Clinic we have entered January with vigor and vim! We are super busy, and I have lots of what I call "ExtraCurricular" work to do: flyers to make, handouts to BS into something not BS. I have been working longer hours and my to-do list grows twice as long with every task I complete. I haven't been this busy with work in... well, actually, ever. I've worked long hours and other jobs before - but I've never been as invested as I am here. I'm the only other member of a two person machine! I care about it functioning optimally and I'm invested in it's success. That's before I even get to the stuff I might be included into with the franchise aspect of the clinic. So I am busy - super busy.

I am also on day 19 of my 21 day cleanse and I feel great! This made this last month a little harder - but the truth is I am feeling fan-freaking-tastic now. I have energy, clarity, drive! Which coupled with the aforementioned busyness means that I have luckily had enough energy to take care of some of the mess that is my home as well - which has gotten one person messier since we took in my brother-in-law to live with us (bless his heart, he is minimally helpful, but you can only have such high expectations from someone come down with Epstein-Barr - so I practice patience, and use a little of my very blessed extra energy to take care of the extra mess too).

So my productivity is through the roof of late - which has had both a positive and negative effect on my writing. I have energy and gumption so I have still been doing some writing and I feel like writing all the time! However, for the first time in my life I can genuinely say that I am struggling to find time to write! I have started pecking out words-at-a-time pieces on my iPad in between charting for the doc during patients appointments- but that's pretty hard. It's hard to try to trickle out creativity in between all the logical work. I would consider turning into one of those late night writers - but the truth is - I can't do that anymore without consequences - and knowing how good I can feel and how much I can get done when I feel that good is something I am not willing to compromise on a regular basis.

I have not lost hope, by any means but I am having to take life with firmness and seriousness - which is both wonderful and a bit intimidating. Here goes!

Ya Healed!

I  know it's the day for posting out Insecurities - but I have some awesome news to share.

I am a chiropractic assistant - but not for a "snap, crackle, pop!" chiropractor. I mean, Dr. Cool does that too - and I lurve getting adjusted - but he does more than that. He practices with a more holistic approach treating structural, bio-chemical (fancy word to indicate nutrition), toxicity and emotional problems. It's the emotional - or stress - component that I want to tell you about today.

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Now I've been receiving treatment for years. I've done the stress technique a ton. It's called the NeuroEmotional Technique (NET). Stress plays a large - and I would like to exaggerate here by adding, TREMENDOUS! - part in our health. There are people whose unresolved health problems are directly related to unresolved stress. In fact, I'm a good example of this, because if my life hadn't been heading down to hell in a hand basket six years ago I don't think I wouldn't have gotten sick at all. But I did. Slowly but surely, over the course of about 3 years. When I hit rock bottom... things were bad. Really bad. Shortly after that is when God showed me every mercy I could have hoped for if I knew it was possible, and found me a job with my doc. It's been a 3 year climb back to the top - but by golly ladies and gents - I am at the top! I never would have thought it possible in that misery that was 2010.

Anyways - that whole story doesn't need to be told to get to my real point. I am here to talk about NET and writing. You see, I have had plenty of NET done regarding writing. It's helped off and on a little here or there, but the subconscious mind tends to be somewhat intractable and often nothing really big came up that could be cleared.

Then, I hit a point where I felt entirely able and inspired to write, but... man, it was hard. I would sit down and write, but every word was pried out of me. Truly, it had been this way for awhile, but I had cleared so much other crap from my head that this irritation was suddenly very obvious. So I had the Wombat do some NET on me (after watching the treatment and getting treated for years, we picked up on how to do the technique on one another - though being married tends to make us go polar sometimes and we know that not all topics or issues should be approached by each other - sometimes you just need to be in the caring hands of your caring doc - which Dr. Cool is.)

I would explain in detail what I got treated for with Wombat, but... first of all I can't remember what emotion it brought up and if I told you details of when it started you'd probably close your browser or blog feed and write me off as a loony. What was isn't really important though. He cleared me of the emotion and I felt a lot better. Didn't think much of it. After all, like I said, I had already been treated for writing before.

Then I sat down to write.

It poured out like melted chocolate. It didn't gush. I mean... I was writing. It takes effort... duh. However, it wasn't like pulling teeth. It came out comfortably. Easily. Happily. I wrote and wrote. Then the next day... well I felt like writing, so I wrote and wrote. The day after that... well I wrote a little more! It felt great! Better yet - it STILL feels great!

So I guess, rather than sharing my insecurities today, I want to just share a little info. Maybe NET isn't for you and that's fine. No judgement on that. If you find yourself really struggling though - sometimes it's not anything you are doing consciously and a little subconscious care could help you tons. So maybe find a practitioner in your area. Maybe look for a counselor - or if you are ready and wanting to make some big health changes find yourself a good chiropractor. You can search for a practitioner here: www.netmindbody.com

Take care! May your writing be forever in your favor!

At Least I Have Wombat Going for Me (IWSG)

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Another NaNoWriMo has passed - and I should be feeling like this:

And to be honest, Saturday morning I did... You see it's been a crazy month. Wombat and I celebrated our anniversary. We had some family pictures taken. I had two long dental appointments that knocked me down pretty good. I got sick. Wombat got sick. Our Thanksgiving plans kept falling through, which meant multiple planning sessions. Wombat and I got into a glorious fight. Wombat and I made up after our glorious fight. Then, the crowning experience of the month, was a phone call that landed a major piece of family news that left me bug eyed and my mind spinning for a whole week. 

However.... that isn't why I didn't write more than 4100 words. No, all of that was crazy, and definitely kept my mind far from writing, but there were plenty of evenings or morning that I could have - or even DID sit down to write. 

No, it was Saturday morning- with one November day to go- that I lay in bed postponing my grocery trip with a furrowed brow trying to deduce the reason of my dismal progress. As with anything that I can't figure out - I turned to Wombat and told him, "I keep sitting down to write, but I can't stand the scene I am working on. It's so boring. I'm bored writing it! That's a bad sign!" 

He suggested that I skip ahead to the other character's thread. 

I sighed. "Yeah, but his will be boring too! I mean..." And then my mind began to percolate. "I guess it's boring to me, because there are no relationships. It's all plot, and that's boring to write. Curiel already has his passel of friends. Emerick is kind of interesting because at least you are getting to know Cicero...."

To which the Wombat made me feel jointly dumb as a door knob and chipperishly hopeful, by suggesting: "Well maybe you should make Curiel's friends not his friends yet. You could show him making friends with them."

I thought it over critically. Could I do that? Will that screw up the timing? How would that coincide with what I've written already? All 4100 measly words. Ooo! I know!

And the Wombat came to the rescue. It's always a little disheartening to have to scrap your work before it's really even begun, but if you have to, I guess there is no better reason than to do so to make writing your book more enjoyable.

So, while my NaNoWriMo attempt doesn't even deserve an honorable mention - I press on. Maybe December will be my month.

Phase One: Complete! (IWSG)

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A little early - but I am excited. I officially finished the first draft of my book on Saturday. A little bit of a heady experience - it's been a long time since I've finished a book. I'm very excited to complete this stage of the process - very excited. 

I also feel intimidated. For while I enjoy re-writing and editing far more than first draft writing - it's still a monumental task, and I don't feel quite adequate for the job. I've taken so long to write this first draft that I have spent quite a long time, not picking apart, dissecting and improving my writing, and frankly I feel far from talented. My descriptive writing could make me weep if I thought about it too long. I feel like I need to do some writing technique warm ups. So here I reach out to the more practiced! What are your best resources for helping you with your technique? Favorite blogs or books? How do you get your writing properly dressed up? I'm a plain girl, with straight forward to-the-point tendencies - but I need to do some painting instead of bullet pointing. What are you thoughts?

The End is Nigh (IWSG)

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I think I can pretty safely say that my first draft is 85-90% written. Why then, can I not seem to finish it!?

I have iterated numerous times that I always "write forward." Well, Wombat stops me yesterday and says: "I have a suggestion - and hear me out before you immediately shoot me down... Maybe you should start doing some editing from the beginning, and then write the ending when you know that the book is flowing and building the way you want." 

I didn't shoot him down, because, quite frankly he had a point. That being said, I didn't immediately agree with him either, I decided to let it mull around in my brain. You see, I had a dilemma, and this dilemma went by the name of Pride. Pride, well, she finds it very important that I get on with the part where I have something to show for the past year or two of work. Especially since I have committed to having my book finished by the end of September. 

So in the end I'm making a compromise. I'm going to speed write to the end and block describe anything that I feel stuck on. THEN, I will go back and start the editing. Sheesh... for being a writer and, y'know, enjoying writing... right now... I really don't... 

But since Lady Pride ain't interested in waiting, it's time to suck it up and get the job done so that I can get back to liking it again. 

Wish I had something better to talk about this blog around, but I'm on day 20 of a 21 day cleanse, and quite frankly, despite physically feeling fantastic, mentally - I'm pretty cranky. So, maybe next time I'll have some good news and excitement to spill

Hope everyone's summer has gone well!

Take 52 - Action!

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I keep all my writing in Scrivener, and I use the cork board to lay out my prospective scenes. These can end up being one scene or more, depending on where the writing flow takes me. So each week, my goal is to finish one at minimum. For the past two weeks Wombat and I have used this set up as a focus for getting some brainstorming done for the upcoming "note card" on the cork board. It's proven invaluable! He helps me work through possibilities and probabilities. 

However, the other blessing that comes with this- that sometimes feels like a curse - is that the discussion always spreads from specific to broad. We talk about a scene - and then it brings up a question that can only be answered if I really have the purpose and direction of my book figured out. It's everything a writer could hope for, really, to always be fine-tuning and being kept on track with the plot and intent. 

But! It can be so exhausting!

I feel like each week I'm being rocked off my comfortable seat, thinking "Wow, have I really been writing this whole time without having that figured out?" or "Why did I think that was a good reason to move the plot this way? Seems lazy on my part, unnatural for the story progression, and BORING for the reader!" Again. I reiterate - I'm so glad I'm figuring this out as I go - but dagnabbit! why can't I be a genius and have it all figured out from the start? Sometimes I just want it to be easy :p Like filming take after take - I want to have one week where I take that final shot that is exactly what I want! That I can move forward from and not look back at til it's time to edit.

So I guess that's my current insecurity. If every week I have to tweak or go into greater depth to make the over arcing plot work, or the intent and message to be properly sent - will I ever be able to get the whole thing written and fixed, saying what it needs to say? 

Just gotta keep writing forward I guess.

*On a side note - my boss went out of town this week, and left me with projects to do while he's gone. He called me yesterday and told me he'll pay me to hardcore free write for a couple hours about our procedures and my thoughts about what's going well and what needs to be done better and so on, in order for us to become more streamlined and efficient. How awesome is that? Either he's getting to know me, or divine intervention gave him the perfect idea for how to get the best kind of feedback from me. Best. Job. Ever.

I/O for the Brain (IWSG)

Not only do I feel insecure about my writing today, but about my intellectual existence. Basically, my TV consumption has increased over the past few years, and my intellectual exercises have decreased to such a degree that I've gained POUNDS of dumb-fat (we won't even discuss what it's done to my level of fat-fat). Further, I can watch the extra weight slowly flattening my word count to nothing. not only did I poopoo on my NaNoWriMo goals, but I probably had the lowest word count for the month then I've had in a year. I'm just pulling that out of my rear - I didn't actually make any calculations. I'm trying not to beat myself up too much - most of the time all that does is cause a downward spiral to worse behavior... at least for me... <.<   >.>..... I can be stubborn like that :p
I am working to change my habits and behaviors, though. It's been a pretty hard few months for me personally. I actively avoided the blogosphere for awhile, because I was a might-bit antagonistic and moody and critical - I was in bad form, basically (though, I'd like to say thanks to Elise Fallson for thinking of me, and checking to see how I was doing - Elise your awesome). Thanks to some NET - I'm doing better and better. Part of my goal, is to limit the amount of time I'm watching TV - putting my foot down about what I really want to watch, and not go searching for entertainment beyond that. I've also begun making a list of things that I want and like to do - so I have answers when I think "there's nothing to do". My ultimate point is that I need to give my brain a jump. Turn it back on.
Part of this plan also includes the significant increase of reading. What? I'm a writer that doesn't read? I used to a read a lot when I was younger. Then life got me busy. Obviously I'm not as busy now- since I can spend as much time as I do watching TV (even when excluding when I multi-tasked). I'm in a new place now and one of my strongest focuses is to finish this book. I've not been reading, because I'm gotten picky and critical - but I think its time to hunker down and do some purposeful reading. Heck, even if I don't like a book, I can still learn "what not to do" and the truth is, most of the time, I'm so fickle that I won't even finish the first chapter. Too much TV has given me an extremely short attention span.
So, now, for the sake of my future as a writer, for my health as a person and personality - I'm going to fight for my brain's right to write, logic, express, and experience.

Anyone else find that a daily habit hurts their writing? Done anything to help it improve?

In Which I Prove Just How Bad I Am at Synopsis and Selling (IWSG)

I was thinking at this point in the much anticipated month of November that I would be lamenting about the infamous NaNoWriMo... okay, so I am currently very behind and that doesn't really make me feel like a winner - but truthfully I don't care so much about my word count as I care that my word count is suffering because... well... how do I put it... I guess I feel lost. 

I sat down to write the other day and got stumped. Which really shouldn't be a biggy - getting stumped is a part of writing for many of us out there. However, as I thought about it, I realized that I wasn't just stumped with my scene, I was stumped with my purpose. I have a pretty darn good outline for the remainder of my book (thanks to Wombat) - so it's not a matter of where I'm going - it's a matter of why I'm going there. I want my book to say something important, even if it doesn't spell it out as clearly as some of our old time fables. Right now, I look at my book and I feel uncertain about what I'm trying to say. 

Because of how my brain works and how I write, I know that I do well to hammer out the "what happens" and then add in the nuance when redrafting - but for some reason the lack of power in my manuscript is making me blue. frozen. insecure...... and I can't even blame it on hormones (I actually checked my calendar to make sure). 

After all, you know it's a bad sign when you're bored with what your writing. 

I get even more bored with super whimpering blogposts though - so now that I've confessed my blues, I think I'll take on a challenge. 

Y'see I've been tagged for The Next Big Thing Challenge by the incredibly talented and oh-so-entertaining Julie Touvi, over at From Pen to Paper. She's working her tail off posting on her blog daily for the month of November - and she's definitely worth following if you haven't already.

Now, I have avoided attempting to succinctly explain anything about my book thus far in my career (I know, I know, I'll be choking down nails when I have to start querying and pitching), so here's me doing my best to answer a few questions.

1. What is the working title of your book?

Unbanded   - Because my first book was called Banded... and  this is not it.

2. Where did the idea come from for that book?

I really only know part of the answer to this. In Banded, the cataclysmic event that  eventually required my dear heroes to have to do their hero thing was the eruption of an exceptionally terribly plague. Unknown to the main characters, the man responsible was the great Al'man Emerick, First Servant of the Almighty. Enraged by the murder of his son, Emerick struck out against the man responsible, unknowingly unleashing a disease that would not only kill hundreds of innocents, but  his daughter among them. So... while creating Emerick's backstory, Wombat and I came to fall in love with the extensively flawed holy man - and I intended on writing a prequel that would tell his story. The prequel turned into book one -and here I am. I don't know where the idea to make him originally came from - though flashes of memory lead to me think it was very different from what it is now - and if I looked through my old writings I'd probably find his beginnings within.

3. What genre does your book fall under?

Epic Fantasy

4. What actors would you choose to play your characters in a movie rendition?

I have in fact done this.

Emerick

 My main "good" guy, Emerick has been the hardest to pin down. If I could find the perfect mix between Robert Downey Jr. , Russel Crowe, a young Alec Baldwin, and James Dean you would see what I see when I write. 

Curiel

My "sidekick" Curiel - easy - Luke Perry.

Peaches

Almighty

Oh-so-down-to-earth practical Peaches - Juliet Aubrey

Lourden

The Almighty -  Edward Norton

Councilor Lourden, bad guy for book one -

        Gabriel Byrne

And the bad guy to span all books- The Antithesis - you just can't put a face to.

5. What is the one sentence synopsis of your book?

(*starts with the nails* )  Murdered and then resurrected by the Almighty in a time of ignorance and cruelty, the once undefeatable crime lord Emerick is refused his freedom, and set on a path of redemption in which he quickly finds that the whims of his deity demand the ushering in of a new age - an Age of Enlightenment. 

(Seriously bare bones. Someday I'll post a pitch that'll knock your socks off :)

6. Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?

I'm aiming to get representation. I dream of being the next one-big-world--multiple-book-rockstar like Anne McCaffrey or Terry Brooks. I don't want to just write for myself though - so if no one else sees my vision, I'll project it myself :)

7. How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript?

Ahem, well... my goal is to finish it by the end of the year... and if that happens (come on NaNoWriMo - kick me into shape!) then it'll have taken about a year.

8. What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?

Oh, wow... well, I suppose you might find a similar element or feel in Redemption of Althalus by David Eddings, or Song of the Beast by Carol Berg. That's a tuffy.

9. Who or what inspired you to write this book?

God.

10. What else about your book might pique the reader's interest?

Ideally I'll capture a depth in showing a man's redemption, but it is by no means an entirely solemn account. The characters are an unlikely sort providing plenty of banter and fun. In addition, for those like me that love being able to explore - both across distance and through time- a whole new world through the eyes of meaningful characters - heh, well, this is just the first installment.

Ah... I feel a little better.

Tossing the challenge along to Elise Fallson, and Andrea Franco-Cook if it so suits their fancy :) Happy November y'all!

Go Figure, But with Good Humor (IWSG)

I haven't been around much lately. Busy being sick. Apparently I consumed some contaminated water oh- about two months ago - and suffered the consequences - for... about two months! Luckily, my symptoms stayed clear of the more foul and unfriendly side of things - meaning, the bathroom and I did not become partners. Mostly I just felt feverish and miserable. Dr. Kind (that's not his name, but he's not the same doctor as Dr. Cool, and he really is more kind than he is cool) used is magical non-western powers and has helped me get all better. Hurray! Feeling good!

This meant, however, that my writing life was stuffed into a box at the back of my sock drawer, and I spent hours upon hours (*cough* meaning about 90) watching Lost. I did other things too - like dishes and laundry and web surfing and online Christmas shopping - but yes, mostly I let myself be sick, ate lots of homemade chicken noodle soup, and watched T.V. I liked the series. It helped that I knew from the start the big "surprise" at the end. I think too, that I'm pretty forgiving of unexplained things - think it has to do with my love of fantasy. That's not to say that they didn't botch some things pretty bad, but the actual end "surprise" was pretty precious, I thought.

Anyways - as I haven't posted in a month, I suppose the only other big news would be these three things. First, that I had a sort of mishap with my hair. Wombat is awesome and trims my hair for me. He's getting better and better at it! But this time, being the loving and giving Wombat that he is, he sort of tried something new and messed up. He finished, and practically with tears in his eyes, professed that I looked like a recovering cancer patient (absolutely no offence intended). I'm pretty chill about my hair, and assured him that its fine- I'll just be looking like my little brother for awhile. Second, I had my birthday. Hurray! Third, I got a day cut at work, and Wombat gave up a day of work for religious and personal reasons. We'll be fine, but it puts a serious hamper in our goal to save a bunch of money. Oh well, we'll figure it out.

With all of this behind me - the good and the bad - I've finally felt re-inspired to write. Which, of course, means that I've been very busy with other things and haven't had a chance to do very much. My daddy bought me a license for Scrivener for my birthday though, and I'm determined to get back to work. I don't know if the rest of you ever feel like this, but lately, when I've felt like my life has been shaken and I don't know which direction to go - I hang on to the fact that I completely believe that I'm meant to be a writer. Do I feel insecure as a writer? Well, yeah. I feel like a farce much of the time. After all, you can't really be a writer if you don't, ya know, write. It's too important to me to let my struggle with being a "real" writer get in the way of trudging through the blizzard of self-doubt towards real success. It's only a matter of time, practice, and persistence. So here's to all y'all that know you're meant to make it! Keep believing! Let it be a driving force! Renew your efforts! Kick trash! Write! Booya!

Seedless H2O-Melon Addict (IWSG)

I wish I had something new and cool to say. I usually like to at least pose some significant questions or conundrums - but alas, tis not the case. I'm genuinely feeling insecure about my writing. I've had a four day weekend - in which I spent most of my time watching t.v. The first two days, I didn't judge myself to harshly. The previous two weeks were full of very long and tiring work days, and frankly I needed a couple days to do nothing! I definitely did better the next two days, but... I had this free time to write - and I did write- but it was like eating seeded watermelon. I finally put a better outline together for the rest of my book, and it really helped. However, as I've been writing lately, I feel like there just isn't enough happening in the book. Time needs to pass, and things need to be shown, but I'm just not showing them in an interesting enough way. It's discouraging, and I keep trying to just shove through it and allow inspiration to percolate as I write, but it's so draining. I know I'm better at editing than rough drafting, so I know I can fix things later, but it spots like this sure suck the fun out of the whole thing. I suppose it's an opportunity to teach myself perseverance, and self-discipline. Right now, I'm mostly cranky though and wish my pears were ripe so I could eat them with my Adam's chunky peanut butter. I wish my Husby were home.

Write again when I've got cooler stuff to say - take care all ye members of IWSG!

Revved Up! (IWSG)

Not only am I late with this post, but for the second time in a row I'm not posting the Insecure Writer's Support Group logo-link-thing, on account of the technical difficulties that are apparently occurring on Alex's site. That, and my husby's not here to show me how to use it. Next time.

I was looking over my blog today and felt a little wussy-panted. I haven't been posting very much. I mean, I figure I should be racking my brain at least couple times a month! The truth is, however, that I've been pretty hot and cold with writing this month, in general. The hot was two weeks ago. I met my four hour a week goal and pumped out 6300 words. Hurray! Dents in writing are a good thing. The cold would be last week. When I only wrote for about 20 minutes putting out 519 words. There were of course extenuating circumstances, but it got me thinking about motivation, and I thought it might be an interesting blog topic.

I'm interested in getting some feed back for an additional reason that I'd like to preface my statements with. I've noticed looking around at other writer's blogs that everyone's end goal is not the same. I probably expose my naivete, but I was a little surprised. I thought that everyone that wrote was driven by the desire to publish! However, more than once I've read posts indicating that some writers write for the joy of writing, or are satisfied to write for friends and family - or simply speak about publishing as an "eventual goal, but in the meantime (etc.)" - all acceptable and admirable goals. It was an interesting discovery as I'm on the other end of the spectrum. By heavens, I like writing, but if my book does nothing but sit on my shelf as a manuscript, I feel like my soul will fester. I want it to reach the masses! I want to share it with all lovers of the genre! I want to bring another re-readable book to the audience's libraries. I was inspired to write when I found a book that opened a new world to me! I want to do that for another person. There are all sorts of reasons for this desire, and how it's fueled, but that's for another blog post that will likely never see the light of day.

My point in bringing this up - is that since people have different goals, they must also have different motivations. When needing a writing shove, I used to read for motivation. In retrospect this proved problematic for me. I quickly learned that reading genres different than the one I was writing threw of my writers chi. Eventually I realized that for me to stay focused in what I'm writing, I can't actually read much at all. Being a character lover, when I read a really good book, I want to emulate it! Well that can obviously be a slippery slope. So I decided that while this is a real bummer, it's worth it to me to retain my core story and character arcs. I figure I can start reading once my first draft is done. Then I know I won't look back and gag when I realize that I sucked the life out of a book I read only to spit it into my own writing.

While occasionally I'll just force myself (which usually brings out inferior product) - the most common practice I have is to get excited about the success of FINISHING - and this is where I tie into that tangent about goals- *wink*. I often go read the blogs of published authors in the genre I write. My two favorite are Patrick Rothfuss's blog (he's very entertaining) and Patricia C. Wrede's blog (she's very informative). Reading about people who have "made it" gets me excited about the potential success within my reach. Something I haven't done for awhile, but want to begin again, is reading a section of "Robert's Rules of Writing" by Robert Masello. It was a book given to me by my grandma when I was in high school, and she were trying to encourage me. I actually know nothing about the writer, but the book makes writing cool, and is both entertaining and informative. I don't always agree or follow what he says, but the book does what I want it to do: It helps me get writing.

The last thing that I'll occasionally do is get feedback from my beta readers. I have very few at this point... basically two. Coming up with the right questions for them can sometimes kick start my mind. Similar to this, is getting my husby to brainstorm through the problems I'm facing. Sometimes we'll do so over dinner, and can last over an hour, sometimes two. These help a ton, though, usually in a long term way, as I'm usually burned out for the day by the time we're done.

What about you? What do you do when writing doesn't sound fun, but you know you need to do it?

I'm Innocent! I Swear! (IWSG)

On behalf of the "Insecure Writers Support Group" Web-logging-Wednesday - I thought I'd share a writing dilemma that I hope I am not the only person to have had. If I am, well... that would be embarrassing. So, even if you haven't, consider saying you did to prove your angelic nature.

Have you ever enjoyed a season of being wrapped up in your writing? You've been working, and brainstorming and getting excited about the fruits of your labor. Then, you pause briefly to step back and breathe in the finished work, only to choke slightly because you realize that something brilliant you've added to your book resembles an element of someone else's book. Egads! What do you do now? I mean, it's not like the story is a carbon copy. In fact, the point of what you've written is to get across a very different story! There are plenty of differences! It wasn't on purpose! In fact, if you think about it- you came up with it before you ever read that other book!

Aside from this being somewhat discomfiting, the real trouble comes as you begin to wonder, "what do I do now?" Does it need to be changed? Do you twist it into something different? If you don't will you be passed over by agents? Or worse! - what if it isn't passed over by agents, but the scathing reviews fill Amazon and Goodreads (etc.,) about how the book is just a poor rendition of "Awesome Book That Now Holds the Rights to All Things Cool Therefore Negating Anything Cool and Original in Your Book". Admit it, you've all seen those reviews - maybe you've even written one yourself (no, judging, I promise).

While the solution is rarely simple, it eventually has to be made, and the writing moves on. But, now the question of truth - anyone else faced that sinking feeling of worry upon such a discovery? If so, did you end up keeping the "familiar element", alter it into unique-ness, or nix it right off?

That Being Said...

I don't know if it has thus far been mentioned, but the truth of the matter is this: I'm really excited about this new book I'm writing. I admitted to a friend today that I was worried I had committed some self-sabotage by setting aside what is now a sequel book in order to pursue the writing of the, then prequel, now kickstarter novel. I thought, "What if this is me making sure that I never succeed in finishing a book?" Working in a off-shoot of the "health-care field" I'm afraid I know just enough about the body, the psyche, and so forth to be truly worried about this. However, I've since set this aside. This is the book that needs to go out to agents first. - Ack! I just noticed that my fridge door was left open! How long have I been wasting money with the expulsion of cold air from my Frigidaire!? Gracious! - Anyway, despite the delight I'm experiencing in the creating of my book, progress is slow. Not dead slow, but possibly frozen-zombie-walking slow. However, I've proven to myself that I can break through the writing blocks, and reach (or nearly-reach to be honest) the end goal. Yes, that sentence doesn't sound all that impressive, but the truth is, that near-success achieved the goal that I hadn't realized I was needing. Now that I know that I can finish this book, and likely (most definitely: hopefully) within the year, it's only a matter of doing the writing itself. Silly sounding yes, but once you reign in the psyche you can accomplish new and inspiring things.

That being said... I have made a reassessment of my writing goals and have settled them down to 4 hours of writing a week. It's silly, but I am going to clarify - 4 hours of WRITING - not four hours of sitting at my computer, or even researching. I mean, 4 hours of typing the thought creating my book onto paper. I feel this is achievable under my normal writing circumstances - as I usually write during the weekend, and can expect myself to sit down for two productive hours on Saturday and Sunday. I also feel that it's exceed-able! Which just makes me feel good. This should mean I'll finish the rough draft of my book by the end of the first week of July, if it ends up being as long as I anticipate.

As one last note - in search of some writing company, I've decided to look into the Insecure Writers Support Group. I don't know that I'd say I feel insecure. But lonely for sure. Writing is by nature a "lonely" business. I like to see what other writers are up to though, and wouldn't mind if they likewise looked to see what I was up to. This in turn, has required me to switch my blog to Blogger. *Shrug* Whatever.

Adieu!