For the Love of Cashew Milk and the Nervous, Gulpy, Awkward Face

I sort of feel like a broken record. Like once a month I spit out all that ails me in a therapy session. But, I swear I'm not making it up. All that emotional upheaval that make January and February hell? Yeah, it was replaced by life and money hell :p It could be worse, but a trip to the ER for my husband, job changes, tax season, blah blah blah. The past couple weeks have been downright exhausting. Everything sort of happened at once. I like to think things are settling down, but I suppose until I get my final papers written for school I can't quite get comfy.

On a much lighter note, I just had some cashew milk ice cream and thought I died and went to heaven. As a milk-a-phobe (I'm not really afraid of milk, it just makes me feel like miserable), I have known better than to have ice cream for several months. It's really not worth it, and though I have accepted living without, every once in awhile I think about it and get tempted to pick up some non-dairy ice cream. Frankly, though, while usually I'm really not picky, I'm just not a fan of coconut or almond milk ice cream enough to pay five bucks a pint and I don't do soy. So I've just gussied up and tried not to complain about the situation. That being said, when I'm hankering for a cold treat, I'll sometimes mosey on by the freezer section of the store to see if a sorbet looks good. This time around I saw the cashew milk ice cream. It's new, at least in my area and was... well sort of on sale... meaning that if that price is on sale I will never pay full price :p You see I'd learned that the right brand of cashew milk actually has the closest flavor to milk without being sickly sweet or tasting like, well.. an almond. I decided to give it a try and was so excited about the result that I texted my husband with the new - and my boss with the news, because he's a non-dairy-er too.

What does this have to do with writing? Absolutely nothing. I'm just that happy about my discovery. As for writing - I've gotten into the joy of revisions and have been really happy with all the changes so far. I even get excited about the progress! I see it written out like so:


Words Revised: 35,570
Words Yet to be Revised:86,686

And I think, "Yay! Progress!"

Then I think of the scenes coming up and the work to do, I get that nervous, gulpy, awkward face that they've mastered in cartoons, and wonder, "Will I keep making progress?"

It's a silly question, because - Heck yeah I'm gonna keep rolling on! None the less, it's a new challenge to be in this place. I feel excited and impatient, but mostly nervous at the prospect that I may just finish a book. A book that I feel is worth something. One that is worthy of sending out to be read. And hope seems so dangerous. But, dangerous or not, no one ever got anywhere with a book by staying safe and not risking it out in the real world.

So I send out a "Hurrah!" to all of you brave writers out there who are or have braved the danger and shared your work with the world!

How about you? Do you have that "knowing nod" to share about getting into a good revision of your book and seeing what's coming up with the realization of how hard it's going to be? What motivated you? What was the best tactic you took to revising?

In Which I Toot My Own Horn and Shame Myself :P

I was feeling a little triumphant. You see, I've been stuck on that scene and - I got some really good ideas and encouragement from all y'alls (has anyone every told you that you rock? Because you do) - so I got to utilizing some of those ideas. One thing that helped a lot was getting the Wombat in to help me.

Now, first, I should explain that I had this sort of dilemma. You see, the Wombat is an amazing sounding board and crit partner. He's helped me with a ton of stuff. However, I've been apprehensive since coming back to Book 1 and starting revisions, to have him read the book as I've changed it. I don't want him to get sick of it, or too... numb to it? So I haven't let him read the revised work.

But then I got stuck. I'm still unwilling to budge on having him read the new stuff because I'm saving him for a read through once I finish my first revision - I need him to be able to have a start-to-finish experience, because I know that he knows what I want the book to be, and he will be able to tell me if I pulled it off. However... it's been a long time since he originally read my book... you know, as I wrote it. So I had him read my un-revised scenes in and around the section I've been stuck in.

He gave me his thoughts, and we hammered out the problems, and I shared the changes I'd made that needed to be incorporated and we beat the new scene into submission. It feels much more plausible and I feel more hopeful about how the pacing will pan out.

.... yeah... not that amazing, D.V.

Hurray! I got it all rolling and it's fun again! Yay! When I feel happy about writing - I like to cheer myself on with stats. So here they are:

Words Revised: 27,304
Words Yet to be Revised: 95,754

Yeah, I know, there is still a long way to go - but, hey! 27,304 words! That's like almost 110 pages of a mass market paperback :D And those pages are a lot better than they were :)

Now, obviously I still have a ways to go -but thinking about the Wombat helping me with my book, made me start thinking about critique partners. I'm about to reveal how much of a hermit, or workaholic or something-lonely-and-anti-social but... I really only have one friend that writes - and rarely if ever in the same genre. She's real busy, though I expect when this puppy is done that she will be willing to be a beta reader. She's rockin' awesome like that.

D.V..... Seriously? Feet back on the ground.

But... that's kind of it... and well.... I don't know how to get more help. How do you find critique partners? Are you best asking people who write in your genre? I mean... asking someone who isn't a huge fan read your 500 page epic fantasy sounds just unkind... I'm probably whining more than anything... but frankly, I don't know how to help myself with this. Which is frustrating because... I'm actually a pretty dang good critique partner. I know I'm tooting my own horn here - but, I love to help people optimize their vision - and I'm good at it. It's been a hugely gratifying experience to help people in my writing class and to hear how much I've been able to help them. I'm pretty lame when it comes to the grammar and punctuation - but the vision, the pacing, the message - I can help people get those across. I know I exist, so I know others exist... but how do you find each other? How do you find those symbiotic, mutually beneficial partnerships?

Dear D.V.
Get a Grip
- Love, D.V.

I suppose step one is to not be a hermit, or workaholic or something-lonely-and-anti-social that toots their own horn. Maybe two good beta-readers will be enough : P


P.S. - If you haven't already checked out my Me-Casted Book page, you can look at hunky pictures of men and women that I imagine my characters to look like.

Because, Life (IWSG)

I've been reading a couple y'all's recent posts and it seems I am not alone in January kind of... well suckin' awful. I don't know that I would say the month in its entirety held a complete enmity on existence, but it sure ended like it wanted to suffocate as much as it could manage.

I felt like crap last week. Pissed. Apathetic. Hurt. Numb. An awful cyclical LAME. I spat more expletives either in my head or out loud than I have probably in the past year as a whole. I don't swear as a general rule, so for me, it was a sign that I really didn't give a... poop... about anything.

I seem to be recovering, though, there are some things in life that I really wish would heal. Wombat and I dedicated the month of February to Prayer. Because... we really aren't good for anything else. Something's gotta give and when something's gotta give, you got it give it Up.

What does this have to do with writing? Dumb question, I know. How many of you can actually get good work and writing done on a project when you feel like you're in a mire? (Please, have mercy and don't post that it's during that time that you get all your most brilliant revisions and publications done, or I might cry)

I've done little if nothing. I couldn't remember why it mattered, or why I ever cared. It was sad face. I'm coming out the other end as of this Monday. Heck, I even had one of my patients at work offer a kind gesture that made me feel a little warm and fuzzy. She's one of those intuitive sort -you can't escape them seeing through the smiling lie on your face, no matter how practiced you've become (or not, My job in a nutshell? Maybe.)

So here I am tentatively poking my head out, wondering if it's safe to touch the manuscript again. It hurts to look at it and feel nothing. I have some hope.

On another note, as I have just delved into revisions for my book, I thought that I would take the advice of... well... some brilliant blogger that I read... can't recall who... it's all a blur... who mentioned writing a query letter even before writing a book - just to prove that your book is query-able. My book is definitely already written, but I figure as I am revising, it's in a "tear me up, glue me back together" stage that would allow major changes - should I find my story lacking important query-able elements. I don't know if that paragraph made any sense, but I have to hit the loo, so I'm not going to look back and fix it if it's gibberish because I need to go.

Well... I'm back... You'd think I had kids with how unabashed I am with sharing the schedule of my potty breaks. Anyway...

Thanks for listening, IWSGers. I will leave you with one more face palm. My last post was a lament on how my bitty super-beginner writing class didn't help much with my paper like I was hoping. This week - two papers that I passed around returned with incorrect grammar corrections. I think I incredulously ranted on my way home, but I suppose that's not fair of me. I know they were trying to help. Needless to say, I've officially adjusted my expectations, and will work on appreciating their efforts and willingness... but otherwise maybe just submit my paper to the schools online writing center for a tutor to look over.

Critique? Or Not to Critique?

The Wombat and I are in a sort of pre-college course. We have both been in college, and don't really need pre-college preparation, but we're praying folk, and when the opportunity came to our attention over the summer, we felt strong inspiration that we needed to participate. Personally, spiritually, socially - it has been a huge blessing. Through participating and fulfilling the requirements I hope for continued blessings going forward with schooling through a rockin' awesome discount on the per credit hour cost of tuition. 

Wombat - Strut

However, the classes we are taking are mandatory and no testing-out is offered. The results of which mean that I am currently taking a very introductory writing class. Very introductory. I'm only in the first week of class, so I'm not sure exactly how the class will pan out, but so far it's rather enjoyably easy. There's been some nice, breezy grammar review, which has been kind of fun in that way that can only be found when doing homework far below your actual competency. Then, of course, there are the writing assignments, and it's been pretty fun to stretch my fingers and write things that I would otherwise never bother to write.

(I just had assignment in which I had to write a love letter to something. I wrote about my Wipebook. It was precious. The Wombat wrote about pickled okra. It made me laugh and blush. As the class is associated with religious courses I had to advise him to edit it just a tad for content. A little innuendo = you can blame the reader for having a dirty mind. The amount of innuendo he had = hard to find someone innocent enough NOT to blush when reading, Maybe I'll post his paper up. It's totally worth reading.)

Tonight, though, in class we all split up into groups and then critiqued each others papers. This is always fun for me. I fancy myself pretty good at giving good critiques. I may be wrong about that, but I enjoy fancying myself with it. Anyway - my group held a good writer, and okay writer and a poor writer and me. It was fun and challenging to find out - in a very limited time - what would be the most helpful advice. 

Well, that was all fine - but then I got my critiques. Frankly, there was hardly anything to them. Maybe my paper really was that nicely put together. That's nice, but not very satisfying. I was ready for critique. I figure I was running amok of two writer hazards. The first possible hazard: there was no one in my group that actually cared, or felt themselves much in the way of writers, enough to think deep and tell me what might help. The other possible hazard: because one or two knew that I liked to write and did so as a hobby, the word got spread that I am "A Writer" - and who of those that do not also call themselves "A Writer" is going to assume that they could critique "A Writer." 

I was bumbed. Don't get me wrong I got nice compliments and there were three minor pieces of feedback that I can take back and consider while writing my subsequent drafts, but,,,, come on! I want it to get better! Which is to say - I want my skill to get better! Per my instructor, it sounds like I"m pretty set to ace the class, as the course parameters are so basic - and the actual writing assignments aren't earth shatteringly important to me, but... I have to write them, so I figure I might as well get some help in improving my writing along the way.

:p Maybe next writing assignment :)

What the hay!?!?! (IWSG)

Alex J. Cavanaugh's Blog Hop

Holy cow pie. It's already been a month? I wish that I could say that I had something unique to share - but I am in the exact same spot as I was last month. I have been so busy at my job that I have been struggling to get the writing in. I have fudged in a line or two between patients - oh!oh! and the Wombat and I went to dinner and worked on clarifying one of my characters! That was fantastic! But wow... I feel like I'm sleeping, working, working, trying to keep my home in slight form of order, working... Yeah... You'd think I was making bank with all this working, but... between the car starting to cause some problems and taxes impending... I can't even nix the time prepping food by subsisting on restaurant pho instead. I have a slight glimmer of hope that work is about to level out a little... but I think I still have to figure out a better system - or finally ask if our little clinic is ready to give it's most valuable (meaning 'only') employee a raise :p 

Well- I have many reasons to motivate me - but even if it just means I will have a new topic for next months IWSG - I hereby make a goal to change SOMETHING for the better.

Happy writing out there! 

Take 52 - Action!

Join Alex Cavanaugh's monthly Blog Hop!

I keep all my writing in Scrivener, and I use the cork board to lay out my prospective scenes. These can end up being one scene or more, depending on where the writing flow takes me. So each week, my goal is to finish one at minimum. For the past two weeks Wombat and I have used this set up as a focus for getting some brainstorming done for the upcoming "note card" on the cork board. It's proven invaluable! He helps me work through possibilities and probabilities. 

However, the other blessing that comes with this- that sometimes feels like a curse - is that the discussion always spreads from specific to broad. We talk about a scene - and then it brings up a question that can only be answered if I really have the purpose and direction of my book figured out. It's everything a writer could hope for, really, to always be fine-tuning and being kept on track with the plot and intent. 

But! It can be so exhausting!

I feel like each week I'm being rocked off my comfortable seat, thinking "Wow, have I really been writing this whole time without having that figured out?" or "Why did I think that was a good reason to move the plot this way? Seems lazy on my part, unnatural for the story progression, and BORING for the reader!" Again. I reiterate - I'm so glad I'm figuring this out as I go - but dagnabbit! why can't I be a genius and have it all figured out from the start? Sometimes I just want it to be easy :p Like filming take after take - I want to have one week where I take that final shot that is exactly what I want! That I can move forward from and not look back at til it's time to edit.

So I guess that's my current insecurity. If every week I have to tweak or go into greater depth to make the over arcing plot work, or the intent and message to be properly sent - will I ever be able to get the whole thing written and fixed, saying what it needs to say? 

Just gotta keep writing forward I guess.

*On a side note - my boss went out of town this week, and left me with projects to do while he's gone. He called me yesterday and told me he'll pay me to hardcore free write for a couple hours about our procedures and my thoughts about what's going well and what needs to be done better and so on, in order for us to become more streamlined and efficient. How awesome is that? Either he's getting to know me, or divine intervention gave him the perfect idea for how to get the best kind of feedback from me. Best. Job. Ever.

Seedless H2O-Melon Addict (IWSG)

I wish I had something new and cool to say. I usually like to at least pose some significant questions or conundrums - but alas, tis not the case. I'm genuinely feeling insecure about my writing. I've had a four day weekend - in which I spent most of my time watching t.v. The first two days, I didn't judge myself to harshly. The previous two weeks were full of very long and tiring work days, and frankly I needed a couple days to do nothing! I definitely did better the next two days, but... I had this free time to write - and I did write- but it was like eating seeded watermelon. I finally put a better outline together for the rest of my book, and it really helped. However, as I've been writing lately, I feel like there just isn't enough happening in the book. Time needs to pass, and things need to be shown, but I'm just not showing them in an interesting enough way. It's discouraging, and I keep trying to just shove through it and allow inspiration to percolate as I write, but it's so draining. I know I'm better at editing than rough drafting, so I know I can fix things later, but it spots like this sure suck the fun out of the whole thing. I suppose it's an opportunity to teach myself perseverance, and self-discipline. Right now, I'm mostly cranky though and wish my pears were ripe so I could eat them with my Adam's chunky peanut butter. I wish my Husby were home.

Write again when I've got cooler stuff to say - take care all ye members of IWSG!

The Never Ending Story... and a Cry for Help

Beating my head against the Plot Wall

Recently I mentioned how I was needing to do something of an overhaul with my book, because, well, plots are as elusive to me as Jason Bourne to the CIA. With my Husby's excellent help, I worked through the problems I was facing, and voila! I had a nutritionally reinforced plot. Lets fast forward to this weekend. I sit down to do some writing, and the only thing coming out is dribble. I'm not writing anything good! I give my laptop the cold shoulder and move to my "Harri" or "son" chair (one of a pair of matching named by my younger brother. I bet you can't guess what his name is :P ). In this new spot, I fussed and grumbled a little, before finally putting together coherent enough thoughts to involve my husband. You see, I had ideas of what to write. The ideas were there. The thought of writing those ideas into the story was like gagging on a mouthful of peanut butter. I wanted to do some fist shaking - but at myself, which is considerably dissatisfying to attempt. But by golly! Is there ever an end??? I just want a firm plot that doesn't leave ME questioning the authors intellect.

My policy is to push forward. Keep writing. Even if its horse manure. Move forward. I can always go back and fix it. Lately, though, I've found it pretty hard to do. I don't feel like I understand what I'm going to add to previous writing enough to move forward from it. I shudder to think of going back and adding or changing things. I wasted years doing it with my previous WIP. 

I think I started out heading in a particular direction with this blog. I suppose feeling directionless about my book had to spill over into the blogosphere. I know that my title was a lament of how I felt like my story would never end... Well, never mind.

I'm still looking for information about critique groups. How do you find yourself one? Online good? Online bad? - Truthfully, I'm timid about the whole thing. My research has only been half-hearted, but it has also felt fruitless. After all, this work is my baby. I know I can't home-school it forever - it needs social interaction and challenge - but that doesn't mean I want to be careless with it, and walk it down an alley full of thugs. What's been your experience?